I’m Angry
I woke up angry. Not really. The anger didn’t hit until the scale spoke to me in an annoying tone. Getting dressed I hashed over my argument with the scale, so I was bothered by the time I made it downstairs. Then glancing the direction of the sink, I saw pots - pots that should have been washed and put away last night by my husband. It was his job. Now its mine and I’m bothered.
After washing the pots I look over at the kitchen table and see crickets. Yes, you read correctly. A bag of tiny crickets, that are eaten by JP’s lizard, was left on the table. The same table our food sits on. I allow a reptile to be housed in his room but he must take care of it. This includes clearing the crickets off the table and into a container in his room. I asked him three times yesterday. My anger quotient is rising.
Turning from the insects, I see Graham’s shorts on the floor, with boxers still inside. Before he laid his wet head on his pillow I specifically said, “Graham, you have your clothes, your baseball jersey and two pairs of socks lying in the kitchen.” (When you’re a mom quoting yourself you have to say, “I specifically said”. Oh, my gosh, I’m such a mom.) He did pick up most of his things, but still the shorts are in the middle of the kitchen. Yeah, I’m officially ticked off.
Starting my day doing clean up work and arguing with the scale, doesn’t work for me. I hate the feeling that consumes me as I tidy. When I get angry, I get crabby. It isn’t even one of the three days a month when I know I’ll be crabby, so this is like a bonus hormonal day.
But before the first kid shows their face, I think about my day. Oh yeah, this is the day I’m going to town to see the Chihuly exhibit at the Phipps Conservatory. A conservatory, how can I be angry if I get to enjoy a decadent day with girlfriends surrounded by stunning arrangements of delicate art glass in a serene setting. Why doesn’t my kitchen conjure up images of serenity? But suddenly I do feel more peaceful. Then I get it.
Anger is an emotion I choose. Not like joy that is already inside you or grief that is spontaneous, but I decide to be angry – or not.
And as quickly as I felt the crabby mom possess my body, she left. I put away the pots, threw Graham’s shorts in the wash, and stepped out on the deck. (I did not touch the crickets.) When I start my day focused on the injustices of life, I do get angry. But out on the deck I took those precious few moments to readjust and put myself into a state of gratitude. Since I wasn’t obsessed with my complaints I was able to be thankful for the day that lay ahead. God met me when I left the anger inside.
And I’ll wait until tomorrow to meet with my scale. Maybe we’ll work through our issues.
8 Responses to “I’m Angry”
Leave a Reply
May 31st, 2007 at 8:01 am
Kathy,
Although I also enjoyed the Chihuly exhibit at Phipps, the most memorable part of my day was talking with you and finding out about your book and this website. Your “lessons” are truly an inspiration.
Vicki
May 31st, 2007 at 9:53 am
Most times when I, as a mom, feel unappreciated, I can let it roll off my back. But sometimes I do grow angry. As you pointed out, though, anger is the winter followed by spring (peace). It’s the long grueling job, quelled by a sip of pina colada on the beach. We appreciate the peace because we have worked through the anger to achieve it.
You came around quickly, Kathy! Don’t ever let that deck fall into disrepair!
Beautiful post!
May 31st, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Are you sure it’s not someone else’s choice to MAKE me angry?
I thank you for this post. I’ve been working a lot on my anger lately! It’s so nice to get some perspective!
May 31st, 2007 at 7:23 pm
Great perspective on what it is all about! You say it so well and it helps to share. Thankyou!
June 1st, 2007 at 6:55 am
Kathy funny I would read this post as I consciously let the dishes and the wrappers and the “stuff” used in a presentation and the bag from prom, and the mail (now covered with used glasses) sit. Michael and I went to the ball game last night. Unexpected Free tickets from work. Thursday is clean it up day. We ran out as soon as we got home from work. Directives…clean up after yourself and do your thursday work. Well well well the three teenage children didn’t do their thursday work and I can tell you all they ate by the dishes and hardened pudding on the bowls. I am off today, but going to Jacky’s school to help out so it will be here when they return and they will do the work…I am trying to let the anger go but a clean house some how makes me feel good inside a messy one makes me feel unsettled. I will work toward your perspective and find peace today. Thanks
June 1st, 2007 at 9:10 pm
Well it’s nice to know I am not the only mom out there who deals with these things. Thanks Kathy for the insight and reminder to keep the right perspective, and thanks other “commenting ladies”…we are all in this thing called motherhood together, so it’s nice to see others deal with the same things!
Although crickets on my table is not a regular occurance at my house. LOL!!
BTW, when my son leaves stuff around ( shoes, shorts, wet bathing suit etc), I just throw it off the deck, into the woods and he has to go fetch it……it works like a gem for about 3 months, then I have to throw something off the deck again.
June 2nd, 2007 at 8:08 pm
Hi Kathy,….it is so refreshing to find your blog site.I am going to put you on my favorite list…I am not so much with the anger,as I am with no patience.I am going to sit back and enjoy reading your blog.Have a great week-end.
Baba
June 3rd, 2007 at 10:32 pm
I get into that angry mode, too… I need to work on letting it go more quickly. Sometimes I can channel it into some good cleaning, though.