Piles 002

Originally uploaded by laundrylessons.

Be prepared, so the Boy Scouts state, but I think they got that motto from their mothers. Moms are the queens of preparedness. When you run into a mom who has her act totally together - wipes for a messy face, library books returned on time, dinner on the table – don’t you put her on a pedestal? Some days I’m that mom, but lots of days I’m her alter ego. But for Merritt, our youngest and highly disabled daughter, I always seem to be prepared. Merritt eats four times a day and I have her meals ready ahead of time and one drawer in the kitchen is neatly lined with bibs. Looking at the bibs folded and organized makes me feel equipped. At meal time there is no last minute dash.

But summer has wielded her unorganized touch on my life, throwing camps, and sprinklers, and neighbors, and late dinners into my controlled and orderly world. Everything is out of sorts. So guess who else is out of sorts…me. Blaming hormones or kids or husbands is easy, but I think summer is the perpetrator. She robbed me of my control.

I should be used to this feeling. Five years ago Merritt’s disease robbed me of control. That disease snuck up and said, “I’m in charge and I will make your life miserable.” But back then I figured it out. I ran to my laundry room, cried in the towels and turned the control over to God. But that was a big thing, a freaking ugly disease. Now I’m just overwhelmed by four kids home all day, live chipmunks in the house, Merritt’s aides who cancel, wet towels left on the garage floor, five extra neighbors for lunch and a husband who is out a couple nights a week. Today I hit a wall. It reminded me of that wall of despair I hit with Merritt’s disease. Okay, I get it. I’m suppose to turn over this stuff too. But I forgot because it just seemed like stupid life stuff that I should be able to handle.

So God got a big dose of “needy mom” tonight as I walked around and around and around the block. By the time I was on the fourth circuit I finally gave up my desire to beat up summer. I’d lost track of the one thing I need more than any other to make it through this big load, some alone time with God. With all those live rodents and kids running around it was hard to prepare for my days. I’m setting the alarm tomorrow. I know a summer travesty. But I’m going to walk around, and around, and around the block tomorrow morning before I have to get Paige to help at Vacation Bible School, and the boys to the neighbor’s for a carpool for golf camp, and Merritt to her orthopedic appointment. And when I’m walking I’m going to be preparing with God to love summer.