Failed Inspection 002

Originally uploaded by laundrylessons.

While sticking my freshly showered face into a big, fluffy, white towel, a feeling came over me - envy. My sister-in-law left a large stack of thick towels for us to use on our visit to her home. The kind of towels that Nate Burkis, Oprah’s decorator, says we should all have in our bathrooms. My towels are shabby. So I did what any normal jealous woman would do; I bought new towels. We’re having houseguests soon and I want them to experience the Egyptian cotton, spa-like sensation worthy of their travels.

Before sticking the new towels in the wash this morning I removed the tags and discovered a sticker inside. “Quality Control 409”. Ahh, there she is, that lovely wise sage who leaves her mark on all my new stuff. Sometimes she’s 409, other times 33562 or 12. Whatever her number, I know she scrutinized my purchase and sealed it with her numeric approval. 409 needs to visit my house.

Stuff gets shabby and I need an inspector to say, “Your stained shower curtain does not pass approval. The spattered oven has failed inspection. And, your carpets are so dirty even 408 wouldn’t give you a sticker.” Once in a while my husband acts as quality control, but I tend to ignore him. He doesn’t carry enough clout. Now that my daughter is a teenager she tends to analyze the dirty grout or stained tablecloths. But still I want an inspector to pass or fail me. Someone to give me a good kick in the holey pants and say, “A picture frame sitting empty on your dresser for a year is unacceptable.”

I could play the role myself. Little round dot stickers are so appealing. I bet if I stuck a bright red or orange circle on all half-finished projects and broken screen doors, then my house would quickly rise from sub-standard condition. When friends moved into a new house they got to walk around with the builder putting stickers on all the nicks in the wall or paint drops on the bathroom floor. My house would look like it caught a bad case of chicken pox.

But just like our personalities, maybe it isn’t best to point out every flaw. Maybe the paint peeling on the banister and the scuffs on the base boards make my house a home. And the tub that needs re-grouting and the hole in the wall shows that a bunch of people use and love and grow in this place. Maybe new towels are enough to spruce up the bathroom. I’ll leave quality control to the professionals. I bet 409’s house isn’t perfect either.